Category 1

The Bus Stop Man

September 28, 2017

“No one is useless in this world who lightens the burdens of another.” ~ Charles Dickens, Writer

 

Last night, I was driving in my car and suddenly this thought about a difficult conversation I had with a friend popped up in my head.

I did what I sometimes do when I’m in a vulnerable state and don’t know what I need ~ I started to project what she was thinking about me…and it wasn’t good. (Okay, this is NEVER a good idea but like I said I was vulnerable. Also, this was the coping mechanism I used as a kid ~ when my mom and I would fight, I got to say things to her in my head that I didn’t get to say to her face~to~face)

A whole swirl of negative energy started to build in me…and I proceeded to have a whole fantasy fight with her in my mind.

I was aware of all the negativity inside of me but then on top of that, I got angry with myself for having it at all.

I started screaming in my car to release the energy.

As I did that, I was stopped at a stoplight (safety first).

Out of the right corner of my eye, I noticed a man sitting at a bus stop. I knew for sure he could hear me screaming and I felt SO embarrassed.

I decided I would look him straight in the eye and see what happened.

I looked.

He was sitting with his arms crossed, eyes closed, head down, brow furrowed. His head bobbed from right to left as he muttered to himself completely disturbed by whatever was going on in his head.

I recognized that I was doing the exact same thing as he was. All of my negative energy evaporated and I felt nothing but complete compassion for him.

As I drove away, I realized I was no different than that man in that moment.

No different.

If I could feel compassion for him, why couldn’t I feel it for myself?

At the next stoplight, I began to cry. A deep heart-wrenching wailing cry.

And then, I squeezed my arms and I LOVED MYSELF.

I mean, I really truly loved myself…in a way that no one ~ not my mom or dad or husband or best friend or therapist or anyone else ~ could.

No one except ME could have given myself that kind of love in that moment ~ the love that I most needed.

That man at the bus stop helped me learn to love myself for real.

Love,
Angela

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