Category 2

My Not-So-Flattering Story of Coming Into Connection

January 14, 2018

“I don’t like that man. I must get to know him better.” ~ Abraham Lincoln, 16th President of the United States


About 15 years ago, I stepped into my first group therapy session. There was a woman there that I was immediately triggered by. Even though I didn’t know her, I didn’t like her. It didn’t matter what she said or how nice she was to me, I didn’t want anything to do with her.

She wasn’t that nice to me after a few sessions. She told me I was conceited. I replied, “So?”

It was like that for a few months.

Then in a breakthrough session for her, she began to vulnerably share with us the details of her upbringing and how she had been horrifically abused and neglected by her mother.

It was heartbreaking and heart~opening to hear her story. My wall came down and I felt a welling up of deep compassion and care for her that took me by surprise.

That session was also a breakthrough for me. I learned so much from her:

  1. That she was right ~ I was conceited. I was really in that group for myself and had not been interested in truly getting to know people;
  2. That my judgements about people generally came with absolutely no idea what they had lived through; and
  3. That those who trigger me the most are my greatest teachers.

If you gaze at the picture above for a while, you can see much more than two faces. After that group, it was like looking at the picture ~ I could never see that woman in the same way I had before. And although we didn’t become close friends, we developed a real connection that I feel to this day.

Of course, I still have my judgements and I can get intensely triggered, but always, I know now there’s a deeper story underneath…and I want to go right into the center of that place because that’s where all the good stuff lives ~ actual freedom, honest love, genuine power.

This is what I see happening in the world. There is a deeper story going on. We don’t know what it is. Time and presence and willingness to learn are necessary for a true understanding and connection. And practice. It takes practice.

If you want a place to practice, join us for the Heart Connection Workshop on Sunday, January 21st from 10:30a~5:30p.


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